


Please Don't Say You Love Me ('Cause I Might Not Say It Back)

by dancinghopper



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: F/M, Season 7 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancinghopper/pseuds/dancinghopper
Summary: An alternate take on the end of season 7. Instead of running off to Vegas Hyde downs a couple of beers in the good ol' El Camino before deciding that some things are more important than his pride - i.e. his relationship with Jackie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! I'm importing some old works from ff.net, and this is one of them. It's slightly different to the one on ff.net, since I wrote that before watching the episode in question. Shouldn't be too different, though, so I hope y'all like it! <3
> 
> [also, quick warning: there is a lot of swearing in this chapter. A LOT]

Hyde’s insides burned, his stomach doing flip flops as Kelso entered from the parking lot outside. The towel wrapped around his waist only served a bright, beaming reminder of what was going on. He snarled, hands curling into fists as he chased him into the car park. The tarmac was hard underneath his sneakers, smashing flat against his feet with every stride. It hurt, but he welcomed the pain – it took the edge off the emotions that were bubbling inside him. He reached the El Camino and collapsed against it, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Kelso had disappeared into the night, but the thought of him being stuck in Chicago with no clothes made up for it – albeit not as much as pummelling him into the ground would have. The image of Jackie’s guilt stricken face swam before his eyes and he slammed his fist down on the roof of the car.

_Fucking **bitch**._

He fished around in the back of the car for a beer, cracking it open and downing a few mouthfuls. It burned his throat, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. God, he couldn’t believe he’d been so _stupid_. Fucking Jackie, all that bloody crying about Kelso and then back to him she’d run again. Hyde cursed - he wanted to find Kelso and beat the shit out of him, if only to distract himself from addressing his feelings. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this – he was meant to be detached, zen, _anything_ other than the fucking emotional wreck he was being. Something hot burned behind his eyelids and he slammed his hand against the steering wheel. He’d thought – _hell_ , he’d believed Jackie was _different_. The one fucking person he could count on _not_ to run away. So much for that. He closed his eyes, but it did nothing to quell the images that kept flashing through his mind.

_Jackie in her swimsuit – Jackie holding a plate of cookies up for him – Jackie in his shirt – Jackie’s smile – Jackie pressed against Mrs Forman’s fridge – Jackie crying – Jackie burning Eric – Jackie lying underneath him as he pressed kisses to her neck – Jackie – Jackie – Jackie –_

He groaned and snapped his eyes open, but his vision blurred. This was just _fucking_ brilliant. He almost laughed at the irony – he’d spent so long trying to keep her out and yet somehow she’d managed to crawl into what was left of his heart and sew it all back together with pink string. He _loved her_. He’d come to propose, goddammit! Surely that counted for something? Why couldn’t she just let him be? She was always pushing, always wanting what he couldn’t give, and the one damn time he’d been willing to give it to her she’d fucking gone and slept with Kelso behind his back.

_Fuck._

* * *

Two hours and three beers later and he was starting to do some scarily Forman-like thinking. A little voice in his head kept whispering that maybe it had been a misunderstanding – crazy talk, of course – but every time he blocked it out it would reappear a few moments later, like some goddamn mosquito. Mosquitos. Jackie. How his befuddled mind could link the two was beyond him, but there it was. He took a breath in and slowly released it, trying to quiet the voice, but it wouldn’t _stop_.

_What if it was Eric who walked in on Donna? Would you let him give up without talking to her?_

Hyde scoffed, as if Donna would cheat on Forman with Kelso. The situations were completely different – Donna actually loved Eric. He was beginning to doubt Jackie even knew what love was – or maybe he just had some twisted version of it. He’d had his heart stomped on so many times that it wouldn’t exactly surprise him. That was the reason he had built walls around it in the first place. Stupid, impassive walls that Jackie had slipped through without even dirtying her skirt.

_But if he did? If he walked in on Donna and Kelso in a compromising situation and came to you for help, what would you say to him?_

The answer rose to the front of Hyde’s mind before he could stop it and kept clattering about when he didn’t acknowledge it. It was totally different, man! Kelso wasn’t Donna’s ex, Kelso hadn’t repeatedly tried to break her and Eric up, Kelso didn’t make a serious pass at her every freakin’ day!

_You’d tell him to man up and go talk to her about it, and you’d remind him that Kelso’s a jerk who’ll turn anything into an innuendo, and point out that it was entirely **fucking plausible** that he’d just come out of the shower._

Hyde groaned again and pounded his head on the steering wheel. This was all Jackie’s fault, her and her stupid ultimatum. If only she hadn’t forced it on him, he wouldn’t have needed so long to think about it and she wouldn’t have assumed he’d say no! Maybe that was the root of the problem, though, thought Hyde. She hadn’t just assumed – she’d _expected_ him to say no. God, when was the last time they’d talked? Actually sat down and discussed the things that mattered? He hated doing it, sure, but maybe that was the problem – maybe that was what they’d been missing this past year.

He downed the last of his beer and decided to do something stupid.

* * *

 This really  _was_ a stupid idea, thought Hyde as he rapped twice upon the door. No answer. He tried calling her name and was rewarded with a muffled yelp and the sounds of scuffling feet. It pleased him a little to know that she’d stayed up this late for him – or at least he hoped it was for him. The door was pulled open with frightening force and he smirked a little at it.

“Easy there, grasshopper.”

He’d replaced his sunglasses after the whole crying thing; he intended to be a zen as possible until he found out what happened with Kelso. Jackie seemed to sway slightly at the nickname, her eyes filling with tears and bottom lip trembling as she moved so she wasn’t blocking the doorway.

“Steven I’m so sorry –”

He held up a hand to stop her talking – her apologising would only give him hope, and didn’t want that, not yet.

“We need to talk, Jackie.”

She nodded, unusually silent as she locked the door behind him. She sat down on the couch and watched him expectantly, although he thought he could see a hint of fear in her eyes. He breathed in, reminding himself to be calm as he settled down opposite her.

“I need you to tell me what happened with Kelso. And – and I need the truth.”

He swallowed, hard, steeling himself for whatever might come out of her pretty little mouth – _oh **god** , when did those thoughts start appearing again? _Across from him Jackie fidgeted, toying with the sleeves of her dark blue sweater. Her hair had lost its curls and she’d removed all the makeup from her face, revealing dark circles under her eyes. Her voice shook as she started speaking.

“Michael –” she hesitated and then went back over her words, deciding to get straight to the point. “I thought you’d leave me. I didn’t want to wait around and be rejected and humiliated, so when Michael offered to drive me I… I said yes. And, um, he’d been making passes at me all day which I ignored but when we finally got here it was dusk and I didn’t want to be alone, so… I asked Michael to stay. And... and I..."

She breathed in and closed her eyes as two tears fell from them, “Nothing happened but… something was going to. And I honestly can't say whether I would have stopped it.”

Hyde swallowed, staying silent for a long time as he thought it over. The relief that had briefly overflowed within him had dimmed when she said she might have slept with Kelso. _She hadn’t though, that had to count for something?_ All the same, that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to run back to him another time. But… the annoying Forman-y type voice kept pointing out that this was incredibly similar to the whole nurse situation. She thought it was over. He’d thought it was over. Neither had been done out of lust, just hurt. And just like she’d forgiven him then, he was going to forgive her now.

“Okay.” He hooked his sunglasses on his shirt collar as he made eye contact with her, “Nothing happened. I can live with it.”

The look of hope that had suddenly overcome her face made him chuckle, but they still had a lot of issues that needed to be addressed.

“Jackie, listen. You really pushed me with this whole ultimatum thing. I don’t say it enough, I know, but I want you to be with me. I don’t – I don’t want to see a future without you – okay? But I can’t do this. I can’t have you running away every time you think _I_ have cold feet.

I came here to propose. I’m not going to. I want to – but I want to do it in our own time. We’re not ready to be married, Jackie. This event just proves it. And – this last year, we’ve just drifted apart. I was, well, I was downright nasty to you at some times. We never talk, because one of us (usually me) always screws it up. We need to talk about our issues, Jackie. That’s – that’s what couples do, right?”

He felt as though a weight had been lifted off his chest when he saw Jackie nod. He clenched and unclenched his fists a few times to get rid of the left over tension. He licked his lips, preparing for a night of discussion.

“So let’s talk.” 

* * *

 “Oh, you are _such_ a jerk!”

“ _ME_?”

“YEAH, _YOU._ I just wanted something – _anything_ – to know that I wasn’t just something to pass the time and you wanted a long term commitment!”

“Jackie! I was with you for _two years_. I was already in a fucking long term commitment! And then you just – just assumed I was going to say no to your freaking ultimatum! WHY?”

“ _Because,_ Steven. I want you to think, when was the last time you said ‘I love you’, huh?! I say it _all the time_ and you never say it back!”

“Fuck – Jackie, you know why that is!”

“WELL WOULD IT HURT? If you don’t say it what am I supposed to think?!”

“You’re just meant to know goddammit!”

“WELL I _DON’T_.”

* * *

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Jackie.”

“I said okay!”

…

“I love you.”

“Yeah? Well this time _I’m_ not saying it back!

“Guess I earned that one.”

“Yeah, you did.”

…

“I love you too, Steven.”

* * *

“And then with the whole Christmas party thing –“

“You’re still hung up about that?”

“Yes! Steven you promised me –“

“Jackie, it was a bunch of stuck up rich snobs bitching about everyone else! I thought you were over that stuff, and then you just reverted back into queen bee mode!”

“ _Queen bee mode_? Steven! I didn’t care about the freakin’ party, I cared about the fact that you promised me something and then just backed out on me! That, on top of the fact that I was already scared about our relationship just solidified the worry that you didn’t – _don’t_ love me!”

“ _I don’t love you_?? **_I_** don _’_ t love you? You’re the one who was going to sleep with Kelso!”

“FUCK YOU, STEVEN.”

* * *

 “Jackie.”

“No.”

" _Jackie_."

" _No."_

“C’mon, doll.”

“Don’t you ‘doll’ me, it’s not happening.”

“Jackie. Come out of the bathroom.”

“Fine. Jerk.”

* * *

“Listen, we obviously have some… _trust issues_ we need to sort out…”

“ ** _Trust issues?_** ”

“Yes _trust issues_! Like the fact that whenever you see me and Michael alone together you assume I’m cheating on you!”

“For fuck’s sake Jackie –”

“Why don’t you trust me, huh?”

“It’s not, it’s not that I don’t –”

“REALLY? Cause it sure as hell looks like that’s what it is!”

“I’m just – I’m _scared_ , okay! Damn Jackie, I freakin’ love you and it’s dangerous! Eventually you’ll walk away after I screw up one too many times, and I’m just trying to save myself from the inevitable."

"But why can't you get that I'm  _not_ leaving? Why is that so hard to understand?!"

"Jackie, alright, when your Mom asked you to go live with her again -"

"What's  _that_ got to do with it?"

"-did you believe she was really there to stay?"

"Steven, that's different. I  _love_ you."

"Parents are supposed to love you too Jackie! Sure as hell didn't stop them from leaving!"

"Okay. Okay, you know what, Steven? I'm  _sorry_ Edna left. I  _am_. I  _get it_. But you don't get to throw that in my face and use it as an excuse when times get tough. I went through the exact same thing, alright? So find a new record to play."

* * *

"Maybe we're not meant to be together."

" _What?"_  

"I just... I really had to push you to even get you to admit to seeing a future with me. Maybe it's not... worth it."

"Hey. Hey -" he grabbed her hand with his, "- I'm here, aren't I?"

She smiled, intwining their fingers, "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you are."

 


	2. Epilogue

**_New Year's Eve, 1979_ **

Jackie shivered slightly in the cool night air, wrapping her arms around herself as she listened to Donna complain about Eric. The Forman’s garden had been done up spectacularly for their end-of-year party, although Jackie wished they’d hurry up and light the damn bonfire already.

She knew she should have bought a coat.

She brushed a strand of hair out of her face and placed a sympathetic look on her features. Truth be told, she’d stopped listening to Donna a while back, which she’d felt a little guilty about, but this was the _sixth_ conversation they’d had! There was only so much winging Jackie could take, especially when she knew everything would be forgotten as soon as Eric spewed out some sappy speech about how he still loved her.

Speaking of that, when did she start thinking of declarations of love as sappy?

Her gaze flickered over to where Steven was leaning against the fence a few metres opposite her, seemingly absorbed in Kelso’s latest story. He caught her eye and grinned, raising his beer a little in silent salute. She gave a meaningful shudder and stuck her lip out a bit, which caused him to laugh.

“Earth to Jackie? Hello?”

Donna waved her hand in front of face, breaking their silent conversation. She turned her attention back to the sort-of-newly-redhead and tried to pretend she’d been listening.

“Look, Donna,” she began, “I know it was totally awful that Eric ran off to Africa and ditched you, but have you tried actually talking to _him_ about it? I’m pretty sure he hated it too, and Steven told me that he didn’t even get any in Africa, so he’s probably desperate to get you back so you can have weird, lumberjack-scrawny-boy sex.”

Donna gaped at her, causing Jackie to momentarily doubt herself. Shit, what if they’d changed topics when she wasn’t listening? The drama was boring her, yeah, but she didn’t want Donna to think she didn’t care about what she had to say – and she actually _did_ , she’d even been listening to her feminist mumbo-jumbo-that-actually-made-sense-when-you-thought-about-it recently.

“First off, thank you for your compassion about me and Eric,” said Donna, recovering. “Second, no, I haven’t tried talking to Eric, as you would know if you’d been listening. And thirdly, yes I know that you weren’t listening, because aside from the fact that you and Hyde were making goo-goo eyes at each other, you didn’t butt in about your life after I started talking about your new _apartment_.”

Donna said the words with fake dramatics, holding up her hands and wiggling her fingers. Jackie blushed and smiled sheepishly, because Donna had her there. She’d been taking every opportunity to talk about her house! Well, it was her _and_ Steven’s names on the lease, but it was partially hers! She smiled despite herself, remembering how it came about: shortly after the Chicago incident, a high-end company from just outside Point Place had offered her a job, of which she had readily accepted. With both of them working, they’d decided it wasn’t really appropriate for Steven to continue living with the Forman’s, and Jackie was sick to death of living with her mother, so two weeks ago they’d signed the dotted line and now they were renting an  _apartment_. _Together_. It made Jackie all tingly as she thought about it. She shared this with Donna, who rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“See? Sometimes I think you love that flat more than you love Hyde.”

She was about to object when something warm was thrown over her shoulders and an arm slipped round her waist.

“Not possible,” said Steven, smirking and pulling Jackie close to him. “Now run along, Pinciotti, before your spaghetti string of a boyfriend wets himself from fear of speaking to you.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” exclaimed Donna angrily, setting her beer down, “For god’s sake, Hyde –“

He held up a hand to shush her, “Uh-uh-uh, you love him, yeah?”

“That’s beside the point! He was a jerk!”

“But you love him?”

Donna sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Well, no. I don't know…" She quivered under his stare, throwing her hands up, "Fine, yes, is that so bad? I love the stupid  _Star Wars_ loving geek."

“Then don’t make my mistakes and go talk to him, man.”

Jackie looked up at Steven curiously. His shades hid his eyes from her, but the hand on her waist gripped her just a little bit tighter. Donna groaned again and begrudgingly walked over to where the rest of the gang was, muttering curses under her breath. Jackie saw Eric begin to spout out what was probably a heartfelt apology, before Donna’s hand connected with his face and he stumbled back. Jackie laughed and returned her attention to Steven, who was grinning.

“What a pair of idiots,” he said, and she hummed in agreement. He withdrew his arm from around her and instead took her hand and dragged her over to the bonfire, which Kelso was currently trying to light with a sparkler. Whatever Steven had thrown over her shoulders shifted, drawing it to her attention for the first time. Something inside her heart swelled as she realised it was his jacket, and she happily slipped her arms into it. She reached up and took off his sunglasses (partly so she could see his eyes, partly because it was pitch black and honestly _how_ had he not run into something yet?).

“Thank you,” she whispered, kissing him briefly.

“Anything for you, doll.”

The bonfire roared into life, sending Kelso tumbling back in fright. Donna and Eric joined them, their hands woven together, even if Donna still looked slightly put out. Brooke walked over to Michael, the two of them having journeyed down from Chicago, Betsy bobbing up and down on her hip. The Forman’s and Bob also gathered round, along with Fez and a few other guests she recognised (she thought she spied Big Rhonda, and one of Mr Forman's friends from the war) but the most important thing was that everyone was there, and home, and _together_ , and Jackie wished it could always be like that, but if it couldn’t, she was going to make damn sure she enjoyed it when it happened.

* * *

 

“So, Jackie…” began Steven after everyone had gone their separate ways. They were perched atop the El Camino, passing a beer between them and swaying slightly to the music on the radio, not really caring that it was gone 2am and nobody else in this neighbourhood was awake. He palms were sweaty, and he superstitiously tried to wipe them on his jeans. Jackie had turned her attention towards him, and he was struck with the notion of how beautiful she was. Sure, they’d had their differences, but when it came down to it, loving her was… well, not easy, but not tedious either. The almost year they’d spent together after Chicago had been one of the best of his life, right after the year they’d started dating. It was as if they’d settled back into that old routine, where talking came easily and the days were spent (at least a majority of the time) happily.

He was happy. It still scared him sometimes; how well they fitted together. And it was difficult at times, but he liked to think that they were also better off for it. Which was why he was about to do what he’d been thinking about for a while ( _okay, it was a grand total of three weeks_ ). He hadn’t planned on doing it today, but the moment seemed oddly reminiscent of their first date, and maybe that was just a little perfect. Besides, he owed it to her. The fact that he wanted to was just an added bonus. He finally found his voice, pushing away thoughts of how pretty she’d looked in a wedding dress and instead looked up at the sky.

“I was thinking that maybe we could – uh – get hitched?”

Silence. It occurred to him that that could be either a good thing or a bad thing. He risked a glance at her to find her staring at him dumbly, mouth open slightly.

“Like – like _married_?” she asked, disbelief written all over her features. He panicked, maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. _Shit_ , what was he thinking? It was too soon: too soon after Chicago, too soon after the house, too soon after the crap they’d been through last year.

“Yeah. I mean – if you still wanted to, that is.”

She blinked at him a few times, “Oh.”

He swallowed, preparing to take the words back, but then she crossed her legs and passed him the beer;

“That’s cool.”


End file.
